The beginning

How life  feels when you're living with a verbally abusive spouse.

1. Like trying to run up a snow covered hill with rubber boots for shoes. 

2. A fly, flying into a glass window hoping to reach the other side and never realizing the window is open inches from where you are.

Prince Charming (short story)

You're living your life and all is well.  You feel in control of your thoughts and emotions.  You have a positive outlook on life.  The sun is shinning and the birds are singing.  A smile is on your face.  You enjoy life and look forward to the next day full of sunshine and happiness.

Then you meet a great, good looking Prince who sweeps you off your feet and wants to marry you.  He showers you with romance and tells you all the things you want to hear.  You get married to Prince Charming thinking he's going to take you to the castle.  After all, that is where he said he wanted to take you to live and have a family.

So you keep following him thinking you're going to the castle.  But little did you know your Prince is also the Archery man with his words that shoot out of his mouth aiming for your heart.  He's the ropes man too.  He ties you up with your emotions,  so tight you can't speak, until the rope breaks and emotions come pouring out like a barrel of snakes.

He charms you again with his grace and cunning ways.  So you follow him, all the while wondering where the castle is.  Then he shows  you more tricks.  This time he's the horse man.  He's got you chopping on the bit with the rains in his hands yelling, "You can't do that!"  "Stop it, don't go there!"  All the while you're trying to figure out how the bit got into your mouth and why it's still there.

You want to feel like you did before.  Happy.  Free. Alive. Breathing.  But your pack is full of things you never wanted and never thought existed. 

You're aware of your surroundings for the first time in years.  The shattered promise of the Castle tugs at your mind.  You realize you're not on the path toward the caste.  In fact, you can't even see it.  You haven't moved at all, just stumbled in circles.  The dark clouds hang low.  The thick dew creeps up your legs keeping you immovable.   As your head looks up, the clouds part and the sun shines down on you like before, warming your shattered body; releasing the daggers, ropes and bit; while showing you a small path that is straight, right next to the one you've been struggling on.  

Will Prince Charming come?

Don't know.

I was seeing my therapist at the time I wrote this story.  I'm not sure what we talked about, but that night, this story came to me.  I couldn't write fast enough.  I'm guessing something we talked about helped me put the pieces of my life together and helped me realize I wasn't crazy.  These thing were really happening to me and I needed to make it stop.   

Part of a verbally abusive relationship is they confuse your judgement by degrading your thoughts.  Over time it makes you feel crazy and you loose sight of your inner self ; because you're being told it doesn't matter what you think or feel.   I honestly never thought this would happen to me.  I was strong, I knew who I was, I had goals, motivation, God in my life and I was truly happy.  How did I marry someone who would do this to me?  Why didn't I see this before?  Why?    Instead of making myself crazy over the whys, I looked at the situation as, what can I learn from this?  How can I grow stronger?  What can I do to move forward?