I found a few more

Alone, echos in my head

Wanting me to feel dead

Alone, fills my heart

Piercing like a dart

Alone, my finger is now bare

Symbolizing he didn't care

Alone is a state of mind.  I was not feeling alone or lonely.  I'm explaining I'm alone because he didn't care enough about the relationship to work on it. The end result is getting divorced and not being a couple. 

........................................................

I cried inside

I'm drowning in a pool of tears

Made by my own lack of action to swim

I was feeling overwhelmed by everything happening to me.  I couldn't figure out how to make it stop or what was causing it.  I knew I needed to get out, but my head was under water and I couldn't think.  I didn't know if I was swimming up or down at that point.   It seemed like walls were everywhere I tried to escape. 

..................................................

I was happy once

It wasn't that long ago.

I dreamed

I dreamed of being married

I dreamed of children

I dreamed of being held tight

I dreamed of talking all night

I dreamed of sharing my thoughts

I had big dreams

Is what I was told

Whenever I shared anything about myself he would use it against me.  He told me I had too big of dreams and to not think so highly or reach for something I'll never have. (relating to a healthy relationship.  Not work goals or personal goals, just relationship goals.)   In my head I agreed with him, because I knew it would never happen with him being my husband.  

..........................................

Take me away from this place

Remove the walls crowding my face

Crumbling to the ground I fall

A million different pieces in all

I was like a mouse in a maze, running toward the next dead end.   I couldn't find a way out of the relationship.  I wanted to leave.  I was desperate and willing to do anything God told me to do; as long as I could be healed. 

............................................

Dark windows as I approach the house

Inside will be quiet as a mouse

The darkest hours are just before dawn

What about silent nights and the tears they spawn?

He was working in Chicago and it was the best thing that could have happened for me.  It gave me room to breath and see what was really happening.  I was unraveling the web I was tied up in.  Some nights were dark and tearful as I reflected over my marriage and the reality of it.