The dragon was fought silently
In a journal every so quietly
When no one was there to lend a hand
I kept fighting and pushing for dry land
In the ocean of blackness and tears
I thought I would sink and disappear
To the rescue came a simple pen
And paper pages to write therein.  

The dragon lies defeated
The ocean, a few rain drops
The pages of a journal completed
I now can share my thoughts.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Each, Ring, Choice, Time, & Surprise

Each tear that falls in pain, will be replaced by tears of joy
Each beat of my broken heart, will be tied together again
Each despairing thought, will be replaced by hope
Each sleepless night, will bring a brighter future
Each sunrise, will promise God loves me
Each day that passes by, is one more closer to being healed

I'm reminding myself that this too shall pass.  The joy and peace I'm searching for has come and more is coming.   I'm on the right path.  Doing the right things.  I'm going to be okay. 
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Ring that meant so much to me, sparkles on my finger
Ring that symbolizes love, is dead like a dove
A stone symbolizes forever, we separated together

I was looking at my wedding ring and thinking about what it meant at the time he gave it to me.  So much hope, excitement, joy, love, and Eternity.   Then I realized what it actually meant and I remember laughing out loud at the comparison. 
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The choice felt right that dreadful night
Awake in the morning, I felt no warning
God was there to guide me, walk beside me
Resting on my bed I feel like lead
Weighed down my sorrow
 Hoping for a better tomorrow

I was surprised I didn't regret deciding to get divorced.  For some reason when I had thought about doing it before, it seemed so abstract and distant.  I kept waiting to hear some warning or urging to not go through with it.  Even though, I knew God told me it was time and I didn't have to go through this anymore, I doubted myself, just for a moment.  
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It's time to take it off, remove all that's lost
Forget the hurt, sorrow, and pain
We will never be together again
Heaviness on my left ring finger
I know you want to linger
Please let me break free
I want to be alive and be me
It's time to take it off
Remove it, forget all that's lost

I went into my bedroom to take off my wedding ring and I started to cry.  I was surprised to say the least.  I really didn't expect to be so emotional about it.  I sat down on my bed and pondered.  I gave myself a little pep-talk, and wrote this poem.   Then I took off my wedding ring and never looked back.
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What is this wetness in my eyes?
It comes like a big surprise
I'm the one who made the choice
I listened to my inner voice
The tears fall down my smiling face
Irony, these two in the same place

I was so happy to be away from the abusive relationship,  I couldn't believe I was crying.   I knew deep in my heart that getting divorced was the 'right' choice and I truly felt peace about it.  I was smiling from joy, but the tears were sad, hurtful tears; and that's the irony. 


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