Pretty face, Pretending, & Pain

Pretty face looking back at me,

Why can't others see?

My hairs done just right

I hold my smile tight

I say please and thank you

I'm tied together with a smile 

So what lies beneath 

Won't creep up

I was done being tied together with a smile and image.  I was tired of faking it.  It was exhausting acting like I was happy with my marriage.   I'm also wanting other people to see; almost like I'm crying for help with a shhh. 

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Pretending, is that what I do?

Pretending to love you?

Pretending to be happy?

Pretending to not face reality?

Pretending I do!

I was so good at faking happiness for other people, I had done it to myself.   One night, I was pondering over my life and listening to my inner voice and realized I was pretending.   Fooling myself and not seeing what was really going on.  It was the night I admitted to myself that I was in an abusive relationship. 

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I must die from all this pain

It's the only way I'll ever live again

Tears keep flowing

Heart stop beating

Mind shut off

Eyes still dark,

Blink find the light

I wrote this the night I realized he was never going to change.  He was so caught up in drinking and as he said it, "Being a rock star".   He was completely selfish.  I was done with the relationship.  The next day I called the lawyer and it was over.  At the end when I say 'blink find the light' that is symbolizing new birth.  A new start.  An end to the past.  A door to the future.  I could move on!